Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The Scientology Cronicles

Only feathers and her husband had the brilliant idea to take a scientology test one happy lazy saturday afternoon strolling around on Hollywood Blvd.

Well, we wanted to know more about the "church" of scientology that Tom spreads with his super-self-confident-perfect human being attitude. Anyway, it all happened as I said before, one lazy saturday, happily strolling on Hollywood blvd, we saw the "Ron Hubbard life achievement museum" or something like that, which picked our curiosity. Of course, we needed to come and see inside what's the deal with this guy and why Tom MI-3 praises this guy Ron Hubbard so much. The doors were closed to our dissapoinment. But our curiosity was satisfy later when we saw a scientology "test center" shop two blocs away from the museum of life achievements of Ron Hubbard. (Can you believe that someone has a personal museum of lifetime achievements? Did he erradicated cancer now? No wonder why these people are banned in Germany duh) A very nice lady outside of the store invited us for a "free" personality test. We looked ourselves with curiosity, smiled at each other and got in. After all, nothing to lose, right? I must say that I am taking this blogging stuff seriously, since I though about my 2 and a half readers when decided to investigate more on scientology and step inside the Ron Hubbard cult to his personality church. Jesus, don't I have enough with Hugo Chavez?

The space was completely full with pictures of Ron Hubbard, the guy used to wear an "ascot" which I found pretty funny. Also, it has some fake posing attitude in the pictures that I found it funny as well. Pictures and more pictures of the guy, from when he lived in NJ, to when he lived here and there... etc... in Egypt, in Guam, etc, etc... passages of his book, little quotes, and a lot more to read about him on big boards. Curiosly, no mention about his family, if he was married, if he had kids of is his father beat the crap out of him when he was growing up (I am seriously suspecting this now). Then, they asked us to take a stress test. He went with the lady and some guy took care of me. The stress tester equipment looked like coming from a low budget "B" sci-fi movie, with a little meter reader and two metal bars that you were suppoused to grab with your hands. Just to let you know, my husband and I are very lay down people. My stress test resulted in a "... well, it might be that you are avoiding the subject" and then "maybe you are blocking yourself from something really, REALLY bad that you did to somebody in your life and that's why it doesn't show" since I never got high stress levels. Could it be that I know how to deal with stress maybe? (Was he suggesting I murder someone or something? Really, his "something, really, REALLY bad thing" suggestion scare the shit out of me). Ok... I didn't say anything and decided to keep with the personality test. In the meantime my husband told me he was playing with the stress test bars like... "I got it up" and "I got it down" mental thing while the lady kept asking, who are your thinking now? This person really stress you, and he was like, well, I just realize the meter was going down and when I say oh it's going down, it suddenly when up.

The test were 200 questions yes,-no,-I don't-know-kind of thing. To this point we were like uhmm maybe we should go, but you know the say "curiousity kill the cat", so we decided to answer the 200 freacking questions. Of course, to this point they ask your name, adress, phone number and underwear size if possible (kidding). We were Mr. and Mrs. Smith from Nowhere, USA, and we refused to give them any other info. They kept asking where are you from? What do you do? and stuff like that. The questions were a set of basic questions answered many times in different ways, so at the end they can see a pattern and to avoid people lying. This is the questionnaire we took. My thinking when I was talking the test was that they were kind of inocuous. When we finished talking the test, they asked us to wait on a TV room where there was this video being shown of a brit 70's interviewer asking questions to his holiness Ron Hubbard. I caugh something he said, we are in this world to become better humans. Yeah.

The evaluation. To this point we were not that happy anymore (We were anxious to continue our happy strolling on Hollywood Blvd thing). But the evaluation was really the cherry on the top. The same guy who did the stress test gave me my results. He gave me a graph on a page in which, of course, I was very down below the "normal" levels of Scientology. And then he started picking on my human being faults, like, you don't communicate pretty well, RIGHT?? And I was, yeah, I am kind of a reserved person. And he said, well, and how much problems do you get from that? I responded, sometimes people don't get me the first time. And he insisted, do you have communication problems with your husband? And I answered, "No, that's one the many reasons I married him, we communicate pretty well, thanks"... Then he changed the argument: "Here, it shows how you like to procastinate things" And I anwered: "Yeah, ha ha,.... big problem these days uh?, people have so many things to do" And he was like, we will help you get rid of your problem. And I was really? And he was like yeah, I am gonna introduce you so-so who will recommend you what can you do. Then he introduced me with a woman with fried eggs eyes who smelled like she just had lunch... she told me I got the perfect solution for you, why don't you buy this $50 dollars starter package that will get rid of your procastination issues. And I was thinking to myself, do I need to add more clutter to my life with a $50 dollars box with stuff that I won't never read? (remeber the procastination issue, hello?). And she was like, yes, you should buy it right now and start getting rid of your procastination. And I was like "Is this a Dale Carnegie kind of thing?" And she was like nooooo, Dale Carnegie will help you cope with your flaws, we will get rid of them... and at that moment I was thinking why? Do we all MUST become the great communicators now? I like to be reserved, do everybody has to be a freacking obnoxious Tom Cruise style? Are we forbidden to get depress once in a while in the name of perfection and the church of scientology? Why get rid of my little own feathers personality thingies that God gave me? I felt very weird with the "GET RID" use of words. You know, are they gonna change me internally or something? Too extreme use of words for me, thanks. At this moment I was ready to leave. I have to say, I like the way I am, I don't have the desire to be perfect by any means... I mean, perfection doesn't exist, doesn't Tom knows that? She insisted, looking at the cross in my chest now... are you religious? And I said yes. And she said that just to let me know Christianism has nothing against Scientology. And, I was like really? Isn't this a religion? (She avoided the question) and I don't know what else she said, but to this point I was thinking to myself that I didn't want to engage on a personality-cult, sellfish it's- all-about-me attitude argument that I perceived all over this hour who seemed to me more like a day. I never knew, after all the horshe shit, that if scientology was a religion or not. She never gave me a straight answer to it. You have no idea how much this woman insisted on my buying the starter kit. I was like, I will think about it, but thanks for the personality test. Then my husband came out of his "analysis" and we were like okeyyy we really have to go now byeee!! When we were leaving, the same nice lady that greeted us told us not to forget to visit the museum of disgusting things that psychiatry does to human beings. Yeah right... maybe another day.

More about scientology:

* The Church of Scientology's Wacky Secrets

* Operation Clambake

* Reginald's take on Scientology:

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